The Courage to Ask - by Jewel Newsome for MotherHustle
“Needing help and not asking for it is negligent & dangerous. Pinpointing your needs and asking for a helpful hand is courageous & admirable.”

One thing I’ve learned through general experiences is that it always seems like it’s smarter to do as much work as you can on your own before you ask for help …

But is it really? 

It’s like group projects. You’ve been assigned a topic, and you have a handful of people to work with. You put in 100%, but one of your group members only puts in 65%, so your overall grade could drop because of their poor efforts. You wish you could’ve done the project on your own so you could 1) make sure all of the work is done correctly, and 2) have complete control of the project outcome and grade.

Another example is house cleaning. Having kids sometimes makes things a lot easier. You’re doing regular cleaning and primping when you sigh and slightly complain about having so much work to do. Your child hears and offers to help (hopefully) and, in an attempt to just take a seat for five minutes, you accept.

Then you see them doing it all wrong. They’re not putting things in the place that they go, they’re asking you questions about how things should be organized, etc., so you just decide to do it yourself.

At the end of it all, you’re stuck holding it all. Dinner, household chores, kids’ showers, work, and more.

We’ve been predisposed to this mindset that asking for help is a display of weakness; like there’s something we lack if we need help.

The reality of this is that asking for help is actually a display of strength. It takes courage to reach out and say, “Hey. Can you give me a hand?” Your strength is shown by simply saying, “Hey, I just need a few hours to myself. You mind watching the kids?” Sometimes, asking for help can be a lifesaver.

We, as mothers, have a lot on our plate. We are life givers, baby carriers, baby feeders, providers, business women, schedulers, chefs, cleaners, managers, teachers, therapists, friends, and so much more. Having a child, over time, brings on so many more jobs than we could imagine.

But before we had children, we were just ourselves. People without children.

And you know what’s so crazy about being a person? We get TIRED. We get BURNT OUT. Now imagine that tiredness, but times 20. Before we had children, our tiredness simply came from work, school, our social lives, and whatever else we spent our time doing. Now, add on managing the lives and time schedules of another person. That’s more on us. Not that it’s a bad thing, but the reality is that motherhood is no easy feat.

I’d like to refrain from the cliché, but the phrase is true: it takes a village.

Maintaining your sanity is necessary and paramount to the lives of your children. Personally, I take a day or two off from work if I need a break. Sometimes, I ask my mom or brother to babysit for a few hours. Asking for a few hours of alone time, a hand in the kitchen, or for help picking up the kids from school and practice could be just what you need.

Needing help and not asking for it is negligent and dangerous. Pinpointing your needs and asking for a helpful hand is courageous and admirable.

Remember: Even the world’s greatest politicians, entertainers, and business owners need help from others. What makes mothers any different?

Jewel is a military-trained administrative assistant that’s using her skills to enhance her online presence through social media, personal assistant gigs, and more. Born and raised in New York City, she’s no stranger to big dreams, determination, and the hunger for more; more knowledge, more strength, more experience, and more excitement. Also, as a mom of two, conveying the importance of daydreaming, hard work, and always being ready to learn has become a message she keeps in her daily conversations with her children. Follow her on Instagram at Watch.JewelGo and on Twitter at WatchJewelGo.


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